i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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