dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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