She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
