You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
