i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
