Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
