i think i scared a bird with my dick
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
