Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
