Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
