I think I just saw someone hide a body.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize