I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
i've created a new STD.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
