Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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