I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
