i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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