haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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