So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
