I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
