you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
