Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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