So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
