my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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