Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
