I think scott just propositioned me for sex
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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