Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
