Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
