Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
