I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
