that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
