awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
