These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
