then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
