All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize