Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
