Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
