When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
nutella sex= disaster
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
