Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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