i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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