My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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