i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
