Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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