We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
