you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
