our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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