Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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