You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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