and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
the day after is always just damage control
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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