I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize