How'd it feel making her break her religion?
if only i could text you this smell
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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