I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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