I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
