who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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