what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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