just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
