ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
