I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
