I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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