but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He better not be in your backpack
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
