I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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