You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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