if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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