it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
