Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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