Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
