I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
it's great music for shaving your balls
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
