i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
