I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
