He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
