one word: firstdatebathroomanal
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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