I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
