she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
