So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
