apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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