im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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