They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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