He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize