The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
