Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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