Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
