Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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