Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
did i walk over a car last night?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
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