did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize