I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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