I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize