I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
worst night to have a conscience
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
