omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
