I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize
