i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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