remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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