Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
