You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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