He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Is it because I queefed?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
