she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
