I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Randomize
