so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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