I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
