I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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