me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
How's work?
Spinning.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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