Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
