All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
