i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize