the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
