i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
