Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Randomize
