you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
