He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
where are you?
Hypothermia
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
