You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
