I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
