Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
